texts saved in my phone: Inbox edition

What are you doing tomorrow besides sleeping all day and re-acclimating yourself to the sweet air of freedom

Are you still watching mtv?*

Oh yeah thats my mom. the mustache lady is my mother.

Lets talk about chicks man.

Now to be fair your pussy put manatees on the endangere species list.

Jenny. Wanna see something incredible?

Well we have drunk and i think i can taste rage

Gays are an important demographic these days.

Lol. Youre prob at the part where i fell asleep. Is that matt damon? Gah!
(about The Departed and texter's mother being unable to discern between DiCaprio and Damon)

Im in your hood now bitch.

I dont remember this dolphin and it pisses me off!

Your boy's a man

My ipod shuffle knows whats up today.

SID WINS
(about Sidney Crosby's annihilation of the NHL Awards)

Bruce vilanch and pop singer tiffany are here!

You ready for that shit tonight?

Hahaha what. Ever.

No shes married to a cat. its fantastic.

Im going to mexico today!

Also...the most magnifizant chicken livers!

Lol. He said windows were wooshed and i was like, oh hes one of those.

R u watching the office?**

I wish our friends had our music taste. it would make life more fun.


*This was sent on Friday, May 18. I saw Ted Leo performing on MTV on what later turned out to be the Human Giant 24 hour "takedown" and alerted the sender, my soulmate in music and pop culture taste and ridicule (taste in this case, hopefully obviously). We couldn't look away from this hilarious show (although I did have a fucking million things to do that day) and this text represents the cold realization that we had found the sketch comedy show that basically represented our entire lives. Human Giant kicks ass.

**I get this every single Thursday around 8:05 from a coworker, and I mean EVERY Thursday.

pretty f'd in the a

That girl from Kansas? Katie Smith? She didn't deserve to die. How could she have? She was 18, a young lady from Kansas. What the fuck could she have done in that time so horrifyingly awful to have justified what happened to her yesterday, which, although it hasn't been released yet, was PROBABLY a rape and murder, because what do you do with a FEMALE, BOYS, BESIDES RAPE AND KILL 'EM, I MEAN?

You know sometimes I feel as if I am the last person on this fucking PLANET who is hit hard every time they hear about a rape. Rape is FUCKED UP. It is DISGUSTING, VIOLENT, HEINOUS and I don't think I could handle it. I'm 100% fine with my body and all types of sexuality and I don't think I could handle that shit. Because I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. EVER.

Katie Smith was probably a Christian who probably went to church a whole bunch and probably babysat and probably lived an average American life just like me and probably made some poor choices and some good ones et cetera et cetera. Meanwhile, the asshole who (speculation) raped and (fact) murdered her will probably live, which is great. The person who deserves to die will live. In jail.

Which reminds me, Paris Hilton could have killed somebody, and now she's strolling around her house because she's a fucking baby.

I live in a fucked up country in a fucked up world. No wonder I, too, also feel fucked up 99% of the time.

"All I want is what should be" - Ted Leo