don't call me, don't write

Coming to the school where I'm at was another bad decision in a long line of bad decisions on my part. I never make the good choice. I think it's part of being flighty and white, but I ain't gonna bring the girl part into this one.

Around now is the time I have to decide whether the constant uneasiness and unwillingness to settle in one place is my self telling me I need to get up and go, or me looking around and thinking the stereotypical better places are really better. I may have to drop out of my new school soon for lack of money and family members unwilling to co-sign my loans, since I haven't gotten into the credit game yet. But I don't feel right putting somebody in that position, even if I know my nana is damn well able to pay for my education outright. And I ain't gonna go and not pay my loans, putting them on my mom and whoever signs these brand new loans.

I like going to school but I don't love it. I'm good at it. I'm getting As across the board right now (then again I am taking freshman classes, technically I'm a sophomore). I'm good at it but I'm restless and it keeps me unhappy. I don't love learning. I kinda hate it. I don't want to sit here in western Pennsylvania for much longer. I'll just say it: I'd rather be in Baltimore, Philly, or New York. I'd rather live and work and try to go to school in the meantime. I am foolish saying all this, but what am I supposed to say? I don't know. I have the flighty tendency to think "anywhere's better than here". It's pipe dreams that all kids have to sit through. I have a stable life here but I want to be on my own with a good friend. Not being in school doesn't scare me, except for the fact my student loans from first year are gonna pop up real quick.

I don't know what to do, y'all. I'll have to talk to my best friend then my family, see who's willing to do what, and how much money my dad has put away for me. If it's more than I expect, I may be packing up and making another bad decision.