And Plastic Territories

dissecting a dickhead

2007-12-09T15:26:00.000-08:00

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/12/04/documents-expose-huckabee_n_75362.html

"As governor of Arkansas, Mike Huckabee aggressively pushed for the early release of a convicted rapist despite being warned by numerous women that the convict had sexually assaulted them or their family members, and would likely strike again. The convict went on to rape and murder at least one other woman." - WHAT A GOOD CHRISTIAN YOU ARE

"Huckabee has claimed that he supported the 1999 release of Wayne Dumond because, at the time, he had no good reason to believe that the man represented a further threat to the public." - Despite his CONVICTION AS A RAPIST

"Dumond was let out of prison 25 years before his sentence would have ended." - TWENTY. FIVE. YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Huckabee was provided letters from several women who had been sexually assaulted by Dumond and who indeed predicted that he would rape again - and perhaps murder - if released." - So, despite his lies, HE WAS WARNED THAT THIS MAN WAS A CONVICTED RAPIST FOR A REASON!

"In a letter obtained by the Huffington Post, she said that Dumond had raped her while holding a butcher knife to her throat, and while her then-3-year-old daughter lay in bed next to her. Also included in the files sent to Huckabee's office was a police report in which Dumond confessed to the rape." - Please note that all of these pieces of information were sent to Huckabee's office.

"But Huckabee and his aides insist that his receipt of the letters is irrelevant because the decision to release Dumond was made by the parole board." - After your aggressive campaign to release him in which you suppressed the letters of his victims claiming you had never received them - although you had, from the Arkansas state parole board AND the women themselves. But that's okay because I know you don't value women, you've made that QUITE OBVIOUS

Do you have a liver? Do you have a soul? Do you have any functioning organs? If you do, you're probably wondering why Mike "I'M A FUCKING ASSHOLE MASQUERADING AS A CHRISTIAN" Huckabee randomly chose this motherfucker who was 25 YEARS, not WEEKS or MONTHS, away from getting out of prison. WELL I'VE GOT THE ANSWER!

Please read this carefully:
"In 1996, as a newly elected governor who had received strong support from the Christian right, Huckabee was under intense pressure from conservative activists to pardon Dumond or commute his sentence.The activists claimed that Dumond's initial imprisonment and various other travails were due to the fact that Ashley Stevens, the high school cheerleader he had raped, was a distant cousin of Bill Clinton, and the daughter of a major Clinton campaign contributor."SO, they believed that this SERIAL RAPIST, who had not only RAPED (RAPE. RAPE RAPE RAPE. RAPED!!! May I remind you that RAPE IS FUCKING HORRIFIC) this girl who happened to be a cousin of a popular Democrat, was nailed to the stake JUST BECAUSE he had done it to her. I think, and I'm only guessing, that the Democrats, for all of their faults, had wanted him convicted, because, HE WAS A SERIAL. RAPIST. NOT JUST BECAUSE HE HAD RAPED BILL CLINTON'S COUSIN!!!!!!!!!1 CAN I BE ANY MORE CLEAR!

The Republicans claimed that he had never raped her and probably assumed he'd never raped anyone before ever. The proof, written by some fat Republican fucker named Dunleavy: "Dumond, now 52, was given conditional parole yesterday in Arkansas after having being sentenced to 50 years in jail for the rape of Clinton's cousin," Dunleavy wrote. "That rape never happened." Oh, okay. No, really, I believe you, YOU PIECE OF SHIT

DON'T WORRY REPUBLICANS, THE STORY HAS A HAPPY ENDING! HE RAPED AND SUFFOCATED ANOTHER WOMAN TO DEATH AND THEN, HE TOOK THE LIBERTY OF RAPING AND MURDERING A PREGNANT WOMAN! OH, YAY!

Is this what you wanted? I mean, I know you respect life and all. TRUST ME, THAT'S NEVER BEEN MORE CLEAR!

I am extremely upset over this. I hope you can tell. I am shaken, pissed off, horrified, and later I'm going to cry about it, and I'm going to break something.

This isn't some fucking sex scandal where we find out Huckabee, GOD FORBID, IS GAY. This isn't some dumbshit money laundering come to light. This man IGNORED letters from victims (excuse me, SURVIVORS) and rallied for the 25-year early release of a CONVICTED rapist, who had CONFESSED to most, if not all, of his crimes. Why did he do it? Because a bunch of WHITE MEN, who ALWAYS feel pity for their fellow WHITE MAN no matter WHAT HE MAY DO, found a link between a convicted rapist and a prominent Democrat. So they put their heads together, launched a massive shit-wing campaign, put pressure on a bunch of assholes and probably bribed them or threatened them or something and they let him out, and what did he do? RAPED and MURDERED two more women AT LEAST.

They said he didn't rape them, they received letters from survivors, they ignored them, he KILLED two more women. After raping them. Since when is rape not shocking? It shocks the hell outta me!

If this doesn't bury Huckabee, it's because AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, violence against women is normalized and accepted and expected and NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT IT. I am SO fucking sick and tired of NOBODY giving a SHIT when WE, regardless of color, are RAPED AND MURDERED AND ASSAULTED AND ABUSED AND HURT AND SHUT UP. Do you REALLY not understand why I get so angry? DO YOU REALLY NOT? WHO is gonna stop this if you just keep walking when you see shit like this? YOU tell ME.

Why can't people do the right thing? Why couldn't have Huckabee received those letters and BELIEVED THEM? WHY DON'T WE AS A CULTURE BELIEVE WOMEN?

WE have a LOT of fucking work to do.

More reading: http://www.arktimes.com/Articles/ArticleViewer.aspx?ArticleID=154e1aad-fd18-4efd-8d80-b5dab8559419 (this is straight from Arkansas baby)

Isn't it like, sooo cool when a guy can like, really push hard for a criminal to be released and then liek, when it falls back on him lyykkeee tooootally blame other peeeople and like, LIE about evvverything he diiiid? Isn't lying great? It's like ssoooooo greeeattt.

i'm so fuckin over it

2007-11-29T15:02:00.001-08:00

I AM OFFICIALLY OVER

Hipsters, Pitchforkfullaassholes, fucking hipster artists who "add dates" to their tours that are ALL in NYC, Chicago, DC, Portland, LA and San Francisco. GUESS WHAT? I hate you!

Spoon: YOU ARE NOW LAME, TAKE OFF THE SUNGLASSES BRITT. Just because I still listen to your music doesn't mean I condone the way you dress, act, or what you say when you ain't singing.

Sufjan Stevens, not like I was ever on his fucking side

"Radical" Christians. My friend's brother is no longer a Catholic but people are always trying to "witness" to him. I didn't grow up in the church thank heavens so somebody had to explain "witnessing" to me, and you know what? I think, humbly, that if you're a Christian, you need to stick to your values and set an example. You need to step the fuck off, quit telling people you have the superior religion/God/et cetera, and if people want the church, if they want the Lord, they will find him. How do I respect a religion who keeps getting in my face telling me they, and only they, know what's right? Fuck OFF. No I don't need to accept the Lord into my life, I've lived nineteen years without it and shit's goin' pretty well except you people keep pissing me off.

And while I'm on that subject, what the fuck is with us not trusting a President without an accepted, i.e. Christian, religion? GOD, people, where were you RAISED? WHO! CARES!

you don't get it

2007-11-28T19:09:00.000-08:00

FINALLY I saw one of the Guerrilla Girls, Frida Kahlo, speak tonight here on campus. I took a new friend (whee) and my aunt, an art therapist and part of my small estrogen-ruled family. I don't know why but I sometimes assume that an enlightened woman is all the way enlightened, when there are isms I'm not aware of myself.

Here's the thing, I think. Here's what I think. Well, first here's what I know: The basic tenets of feminism are role and pay equality and human rights for all regardless of gender of racial background. Regardless of colour! There are a vast number of other feminist issues (in my opinion anything that involves the suffering of an oppressed person is a fuckin feminist issue) and I don't understand - I mean TRULY, I do not understand - the people that react to feminism with aggression, violence, and hate.

The only period of time in which I hated the terms 'feminism' and 'feminist' was when I was trying to reinvent myself in a way that would attract a group of apathetic people, mostly boys. This was my first year of university. The problem is that I have always been a little militant, and very very passionate, and I'm not able to ignore shit. I mean shit like a verb, I think, like, "That is shit." Quickly (after being called a feminazi by a little white shithead) I reembraced my militancy and I'm using it to change shit around which has to be the thing I'm meant to do, otherwise I'm a drama queen for no reason. Anyway

I can see why people would hate the term, especially women and people of colour who feel excluded from it - thus womanism, which I prefer to feminism but I think it's only applicable to WoC - but I think it's infantile. It's an infantile fear. So there motherfuckers!

The thing about feminism is that it too sometimes sounds infantile to me. I don't want people of colour to think I'm excluding them when I call myself a feminist, but I do understand that a white girl is not going to step in and solve their problems, which are intense, complicated, and varied, and generational, and were caused by us and we ain't helping them any. The other thing about feminism is that we breathe life into it, and it's our fucking job to make sure it's all-inclusive.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. My brain is fried from research papers and shit. Just check out the fucking Guerrilla Girls!

GUESS WHAT, BITCHES?

2007-11-15T10:40:00.000-08:00

I use derogatory terms on a regular basis. I use them over and fucking over again in my everyday life. I call the people close to me "bastard," "asshole," "cuntface," "bitch," "whore" and tons of other curse words in the name of friendship and "reclaiming" them, I guess. I don't support "reclaiming" any of these terms - or any others - but I have a derogatory personality, and I like to come on strong. I like to illustrate my point in the best way I know how.

When that conservative bitch said to John McCain, "How do we beat the bitch?", about none other than Hillary Rodham Clinton, here's why he should have punched her in the face.

1- It's anti-woman
2- It's hate rhetoric
3- Never before in the HISTORY of this fucking country have we had voters asking candidates "How do we beat the dickhead?" in reference to another male candidate. First of all, you'd have to ask "Why who do you mean?!"
4- It's extremely inappropriate, derogatory, unprofessional, and hateful
5- "Bitch" is a curse word on the same level as "dickhead," "asshole," "bastard" and any other male-centred term

In chuckling and responding, John McCain proved himself totally anti-woman (please, like we didn't know that already) and totally asshole. What? What? It's alright, now that we have a woman in the race, to refer to her in derogatory terms? I'm not talking about in your fucking house or to your fucking friends. This woman, ON TELEVISION, CALLED HER A "BITCH" AND THAT FUCKER LAUGHED AND RESPONDED. If I went on TV and said "HOW DO WE BEAT THAT FUCKING DICKHEAD JOHN MC "I WAS TORTURED" MCCAIN" people would HAVE. MY. FUCKING. HEAD.

And some jock asshole in my sociology class tried to tell me that verbal abuse of women ISN'T accepted! THE HELL IT ISN'T.

moral code of the flighty white feemail

2007-10-24T20:20:00.000-07:00

I, Fdouble-youF

do not listen to hate rhetoric
do not use the word "tolerance" - to "tolerate" is to "put up with," is a cover
support revolution*
*which is where most people dont know where to start with me when we talkin politics
completely pro-woman, pro-difference, pro-change, pro-moving forward, pro-lesbian, pro-gay, pro-trans, pro-womanist, pro-feminist
have learned & am continuing to learn from racist mistakes made in grade school, still changing my own self up to recognize and cut out inherently racist practices and speech
pro "political correctness," aka respecting language*
*i don't find it a problem to fix my fucking speech; this may be because i am not a fucking bigot
am perfectly willing to live in the freest country in the world and see oppression everywhere*
*we live in a very dangerous time
*we're almost at WWIII
*we're all going to be obliterated if there is a WWIII
*but i think we can start a step towards changing for the better instead
*while we are still around i'd rather lend my voice to empowering the oppressed
*i am a future social worker and thus i suppose a "bleeding heart"
*i say let my heart bleed the fuck out
am pro-choice
am not religious but may become someday if i can find a religion that doesnt fuck with my beliefs, think i said that before
am aspiring to be able to ego trip one day*
*nikki giovanni
am trying to work my own shit out,
am trying to do good
dont know why i didnt turn out conservative
and fulla alllll
that hate
but
honey
i am glad
i didnt

i disagree like nobody's business

2007-10-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

My Gateway laptop has hit the shits and the Geek Squad hasn't touched it since I "checked it in" a week ago - it was supposed to be fixed either this week or next - so I'm in a fucking computer lab doing two essay assignments, which means I'm reading blogs. I'm reading an interview with Louise Sloan, who recently wrote a book entitled "Knock Yourself Up" (I'm not a fan of that phrase, btw) about choosing to become a single mother. I'm in love with single mothers. I want them to have all the support in the world, more than they know what to do with. I want to send them money and care packages. But Sloan is pretty shady when it comes to chosen single motherhood and women who become single mothers as a result of rape, incest, no access to abortion, or who don't want an abortion. She gleefully reports that even women in socially conservative communities were getting buttloads of love and support! Yeeeeeehaw! Of course they do. Of. Course. They. Do. Now if you're a black young lady with a baby (I can only assume you'd be pegged as having had an unwanted pregnancy even if you had become a single mother by choice, whether you're an intellectual like this woman probably is or you booted the father out for whatever reason, which I'm a supporter of; just because the damn man's around doesn't mean he'd make a good father) you get lambasted.

Also, there's this: "I think that it's really important to make sure that your child feels that the way that she or he came into this world was a positive and happy thing. And so you need to have that attitude yourself."

I went to a charter high school in downtown Pittsburgh with what must have been either a perfect 50% split between people of colour and us crackers or a black majority. Of my classmates, five that I remember had babies (and all of whom dropped out, very unfortunately) and I knew of two abortions (there were two white ladies included here, just to note). I think only one of them had a "rape baby," as one white bitch so crudely put it to me. I had only talked to the woman who had the baby a few times in school but it was so small that you knew the general temperament of everyone, and she was distant but nice, and I can see her being seriously ambivalent about her situation. Now, even if she had been extremely mean and hostile and whatever the fuck it wouldn't have mattered, the same goes for every woman with an unexpected or unwanted pregnancy.

I'm speaking from the school of thought that a struggle never hurt anybody. Life ain't worth shit if it ain't been lived, and I'm not gonna support the programming into ourselves of modes of feeling (baby = happy, pregnant = happy, married = happy). I'm saying let these women be ambivalent about such a fucking drastic life change, and let that genuineness shine through. I'm not saying tell your children what a mistake they were and how much you hate them (though this goes on and I do not encourage it, it's upsetting). I'm saying it ain't a big deal if your kid's asking you this shit, they happen to have been the product of a rape - or they were simply unexpected or unwanted - I wouldn't tell them a lie. I wouldn't tell them something that wasn't appropriate for their age, but I wouldn't coat a lie with the same sugary sweet sticky shit that's made our country fat, lazy and dumb, and the sugary sweet sticky shit in question is the American dream and the illusion of the perfect, ideal, conventional male-female-child(ren) family. Struggle is a part of life. And before I lost this entry the first time I had a whole thing on how much I wish the American Caucasians for whom life has not been a daily struggle could comprehend the fullness of what being born into struggle means for a person, especially a person of colour in a volatile white country like this one. I'm not talking about "life sucks they move on." I'm not dishing out pity to folks born into poverty who struggle daily, because I know they adjust accordingly and they find the good shit in life (and I really fucking hope they do). I'm talking about we wouldn't know what to do if we could comprehend the fullness of everything. Whatever.

I just lost this original post. I was talking about Bill Cosby, whose Oprah episode I caught the last half hour of last week, and how I think the spite he displays for black Americans is very lovely and helpful. And that's sarcasm. I only have to read a few lines into his big fat NAACP speech to know we're not on the same page. He's husband-wife, no child born out of wedlock, pull-your-pants-up-start-speaking-English. And that's not only mature, it's understanding and comprehensive. And THAT is sarcasm!

EXCERPT Y'ALL
"I'm talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit. Where were you when he was two? (clapping) Where were you when he was twelve? (clapping) Where were you when he was eighteen, and how come you don't know he had a pistol? (clapping) And where is his father, and why don't you know where he is?"

Nice clapping add-ins, Cosby's people! Whoo! Yeah! All I can visualize is a crowd of white men clapping like hell, 'cause most of his speech is harping on black Americans to acculturate completely and adhere to the white standard of living. The left-wing white, to boot, not my favourite brand of white folk.

It's nice to know that Cosby's life is so simple. It's nice that he's finally come out of the woodwork to explain to black women everywhere (and my white ass) that if they only put aside all the other shit that was going on in their life - the extent of which I can't even give an example of because I don't know what it's like to be black in this country, where white is the standard and where oppression is still more rampant than anyone's willing to admit to - and fight against the odds, American dream style, and raise their baby to be a good heterosexual man who takes his kids to McDonald's and speaks in perfectly white English! Oh you're so right, you big rich man. I also admire your Rick Santorum-esque idea of family and your further marginalization of an already extremely unseen group, black gays and lesbians. And gays and lesbians of colour. Oooh, yes, you're a good guy. Pud-ding! Ahaha! Sike.

I especially love when he states, "God is tired of you." All I know is this: I am agnostic, so I haven't figured my God out all the way yet, but my God would never be "tired" of anybody. If Bill Cosby's God is as dumb as he is, I hope we do indeed have individual Gods. Although my God wouldn't have let anyone suffer a day in their life, and we wouldn't be at the place we are today. But life, as I so lamely put it before, could never be that simple, so I guess my God doesn't exist. I think I just answered a bigass question.

I can't read any more of this bile, so here it is: http://www.eightcitiesmap.com/transcript_bc.htm Good fucking night, and peace the fuck out! Be good to each other goddamnit.

hey mike huckabee: lick a dick buddy!

2007-10-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

An open letter to Mike Huckabee!

Yo!

I'm 19 years old! I'm pro-choice! I love gays and transfolks! I realize that sexuality cannot be limited to 'gay' or 'straight'! I love people of colour and I want my Caucasian people in power to realize the oppression and cut it the fuck out! I realize that you and your kind treat me, a woman, as a second-class citizen! I know that my right to choose overrides, uh, everything! I want socialized medicine damnit! I want every single person in this country insured on a healthcare program and while I'm at it what IS the deal with HOME INSURANCE?!?? I don't believe in your white Jesus or your white God but I identify as agnostic and I am leaving myself open to perhaps converting to a faith if it doesn't fuck with my beliefs!

And I am the new majority, sucka! You, sir, can hide behind your faith and call abortion a modern Holocaust - an insult to my Jewish friends and every single person executed during that massacre who is sick and fucking tired of the Holocaust being thrown out there at every opportunity by the dirty politicians of a nation who birthed IBM who in turn tattooed their arms as if they were animals! - and blame it for illegal immigration (or, uh, whatever the fuck you were trying to say, my 'fucking delusional crazy shit' filter is malfunctioning), but you are the real problem. Has anyone ever said that to you before? You and the other white male bigots who keep on coming up and taking the reigns because you're already in power, and you make it so goddamn hard for minorities to stand alongside you because you've polluted them for years and years and fooled them and cut them at the knees and spread lies to your white sisters and brothers about them and finally you keep pumping life into this "American dream". We're all aware that the true American dream is only achieved by a few choice celebrities (who are only either beautiful or gorgeous) and a few people who either buy into the system or do serious evil. You're a fan of evil, I know. You don't, but I do!

But as long as you live your comfy-ass life, you don't give a shit. Well, buddy, number one, you won't ever be President. You're a dumbass. Number two, you better watch your ass when the liberal majority is in power, bub. I don't know about everyone else, but I am not a friendly girl, and you do not fuck with my right to power over my own damn body.

I have guided my bones through some voltage and loved them still

2007-10-19T18:04:00.001-07:00

I am so into that line by Björk but it barely applies to me yet. What have I been through? I have barely any scratches. I did go to Canada where I dealt poorly with some shit and did fine in other ways, sort of, like admitting that I am not all that I think I am and that I was being a real jackass the entire time. The other things, like my dad drinking, my parents getting divorced, us putting Dakota down, I don't consider these things trials and tribulations. My dad's drinking isn't in my face. I don't care about my parents being divorced.

Anyway, I don't know what to do y'all. I am teetering between making what might be a real stupid decision and playing it safe. It's not going to happen right away, and it's not simple. But I have these internal pulls that are so strong, and usually it's to buy something I can't afford. I have learned to ignore those completely but does that mean I have to discredit the pulls towards other things, like big-ass life things?

This Catholic university is a whole load of bullshit. Just today I saw that goddamn girl that's head of the campus Republicans on the fucking news talking about some lameass video they made to get the good folks of Westmoreland County to vote Repub. Not only does she have one of those voices that's so fucking grating and annoying it makes you batshit, her fucking crusade means nothing to me. I can't respect it. This is no doubt a young progressive phase but I really have no respect for people who refuse to use their lives for anything but badgering other people about bullshit that doesn't fucking matter. I don't give a shit where my tax dollars go. I have learned, already, that taxes are invisible, they're out of my face, and the assholes who will never stop charging them can do what they please with it. Only if my tax dollars were being used to oppress the groups I'm going to be using my goddamn time to empower would I become involved. But you know what, bitch? Your conservative policies are All. Bullshit. And a waste of everybody's fucking time.

I'm always thinking about this. How if everyone just shut the fuck up, for ten seconds, and did something positive, how drastically things would change. If women would stop buying shit magazines altogether. If the entire macho male psyche would suspend itself for a day.

I don't get how folks can sit back while their daughters and sons are obliterated and raised to be little oppressive and self-hating machines. Ignorance, I guess, is fine. But we're just going to keep getting dumber and dumber. Soon, I know, I will learn that there's very little you can really do. But you know what? I fear the fucking day I use that as an excuse for my inactivity. I am such a fucking militant female, I swear to God.

Anyway. Teetering. I know that I teeter between average-smarts and big-smarts. I could cut it real well at a state public school but I can't get the scholarships to the Ivies or the other big private schools. Expensive, private and Catholic Seton Hill doesn't countsies. My midterm grades are all fabulous with one C- which I can bring up to the B level with longer study hours. I haven't been studying half as hard as I'm supposed to be and I'm pulling a great GPA.

REASON I'm taking freshman courses
BUT REALLY I didn't take any of these courses at York
REASON I'm already interested in sociology and psychology
BUT REALLY I'm smarter than I think I am

So I'm dealing with that. I don't know where to place myself in the grand scheme of academia. I don't KNOW where to apply. I have these ideas, and I have some resources, and I'm willing to struggle. Does the universe see me setting myself up to struggle like crazy? I am a total fool for wanting to put myself in a position where I'm struggling day to day but I'm also really fucking keen on getting used to it, since I'm getting a fucking BSW which doesn't pay enough to let you live on your own and/OR pay back student loans reasonably, and how the fuck can I empathize with people if I'm sitting back and living it up? Whatever. All I know is, I have this one life that I fucking know of. And I want to see all sides of it. I'm willing to struggle really fucking hard, and it's easy because I have family that will allow me to fall back on them. They can't bail me out and bail me out and bail me out (they've done it once already), but if I fail really miserably I can stay home for a while.

These fucking decisions, I swear to God. Ridiculous. And I used to sit and cry and say "Where is my sign? Why can't someone tell me what to do?" Number one, I've learned in social work already that submission is extremely dangerous. Two, you don't always get a fucking sign. I'd be too oblivious to see it anyway. So I'm gonna go where I think I should be, I'm gonna do the dumb shit that 19 year olds are given a pass to do and I hope my family can support me and I hope I don't have to do it alone. And I hope I make it!

"there is turmoil out there
carnage! rambling!
what is to do but dig"

don't call me, don't write

2007-10-07T14:38:00.000-07:00

Coming to the school where I'm at was another bad decision in a long line of bad decisions on my part. I never make the good choice. I think it's part of being flighty and white, but I ain't gonna bring the girl part into this one.

Around now is the time I have to decide whether the constant uneasiness and unwillingness to settle in one place is my self telling me I need to get up and go, or me looking around and thinking the stereotypical better places are really better. I may have to drop out of my new school soon for lack of money and family members unwilling to co-sign my loans, since I haven't gotten into the credit game yet. But I don't feel right putting somebody in that position, even if I know my nana is damn well able to pay for my education outright. And I ain't gonna go and not pay my loans, putting them on my mom and whoever signs these brand new loans.

I like going to school but I don't love it. I'm good at it. I'm getting As across the board right now (then again I am taking freshman classes, technically I'm a sophomore). I'm good at it but I'm restless and it keeps me unhappy. I don't love learning. I kinda hate it. I don't want to sit here in western Pennsylvania for much longer. I'll just say it: I'd rather be in Baltimore, Philly, or New York. I'd rather live and work and try to go to school in the meantime. I am foolish saying all this, but what am I supposed to say? I don't know. I have the flighty tendency to think "anywhere's better than here". It's pipe dreams that all kids have to sit through. I have a stable life here but I want to be on my own with a good friend. Not being in school doesn't scare me, except for the fact my student loans from first year are gonna pop up real quick.

I don't know what to do, y'all. I'll have to talk to my best friend then my family, see who's willing to do what, and how much money my dad has put away for me. If it's more than I expect, I may be packing up and making another bad decision.

excuse me, i have another judgment to make

2007-10-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

So a rich woman lives what is not a conventional life - two homes (WHAT!), successful writer (no successful writer is conventional), all that shit - then she decides she doesn't want a child (I decided that when I was straight-up 11 years old), gets a divorce (God forbid) and uses three foreign countries as the Windex and paper towel for cleaning up her life. Hence, Eat Pray Love by Some White Lady. Her extremely comfortable life falls apart and she heads where all white people head when they get to that convenient midlife crisis stage of their lives. It appears to me that, while a shitload of people in the United States and Canada live in poverty and in constant states of crisis, rich folks FREAK the fuck out, their "lives fall apart" and they whisk themselves off to Europe. I'm not trying to say that a healthy income means you can't suffer from psychological disease - disease, in general, does not discriminate amongst people. I'm saying the way they deal with their shit is just ridiculous, especially when they're lucky enough to live criminally comfortable lives. So this white bitch goes off to Italy, India and Indonesia - Indofuckingnesia - to find herself. You. Have got. To be. Kidding.

Go ahead, bitch. Just use the world as your trash can, and do whatever the fuck you wanna do. I, for one, am sick of reading shit about stuff I'll never get to do, and I don't want my mother reading it and becoming more miserable than she already is and I know she's never gonna get to see any part of Europe. And we live perfectly comfortable lives ourselves. My lower middle class family tottering between the class lines IS the conventional life, not this goddamn lady's.

omfg

2007-10-02T13:38:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Oprah and Halle Berry is on and Oprah's beefing up Benicio del Toro so fucking much - and I spent a good lot of the 2000s fucking obsessed with him - that I think he's gonna give me and everyone watching at home a fucking orgasm, and he comes out looking like a clown. His hair's REALLY fucking weird, his facial hair makes him look like shit, he's got those chubby fingers that make me insane and when he opens his mouth he sounds like a kid. His voice. Bleeehhh. Definitely not "mysterious" and "oozing sexuality and confidence" today, bitches. He has the ability to "ooze" these things but he sure ain't doin' it right na.

flighty white girl syndrome

2007-09-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

I am not the next big thing. To preserve my psyche I turn to positive self-illusion and think otherwise, and it's popular psychology so don't you judge me you heathens, you do it too. I do not mean next big superstar, I mean next big women's activist; next big community organizer; next big group leader; next big volunteer. I am still trying to be the wunderkind I kinda sorta was predicted to be, at least by my family's standards, before I stopped at 5'6" (~~high school athlete~~, ~~model~~) and stopped working so hard in school (Bs, Cs, went to a high school with higher standards and a sadistic Italian English teacher so no more easy As in the language arts). It's like I learned to read, started writing poetry, got into music and alternative media and comedy (and hockey - yes, I said it) and slid to a halt. I was way, way too fucking cool to be a hipster snob, but I never had a full-on 100% cliche to cling to. My art school friends are indeed in expensive art schools, texting me with stupid, overdramatic bullshit on a daily basis. I was supposed to be so artistically gifted - in some random artistic field - that I could get a scholarship to a privileged art school. My overachiever friends are in some of the most expensive and well-known universities on the east coast and in the midwest, save for any real Ivy Leaguers. The same teacher who refused to give me anything higher than a B (or below, thank God) told me to apply to Columbia's journalism school, of which I really had no chance of getting in unless my creative juices somehow turned sour and I became a fucking elitist snob but man I'd have a biting wit. I have been interested in film and directing since I was a kid. I'd taken my high school's film classes since 10th grade, taught by a director from Pittsburgh Filmmakers, and went through a free summer program also taught by two awesome PF women with a good friend of mine. I watched her go into her other, more practical field choice at Pitt, and I decided not to make a portfolio because - and this is as true as ever - I cannot handle the shitheads who go into film. Not all! Most. Plus, unfortunately, I need a partner to get ideas going. I could just never get anything going in my own head.

I never get anything going in my own head. When someone asks, "Any questions?", my mind goes blank, even though I want to raise my hand and ask something great. Of course, you know, who doesn't! Every day in high school - well, I could do philosophy. I could do politics. Well, I should do film. Or, I like journalism, I like reporting. I'm kinda funny, aren't I? Huh? Yeah, c'mon!

I have a pretentiousness that doesn't quite match my intellect. I have thought I was better than everyone around me probably since puberty, but this complex has disappeared since my emotionally, mentally, physically, academically, sexually and financially shitty first year of university, where I failed at everything but being a total fucking asshole. I still have it over my parents. My parents are homely Pittsburgh people. My dad's an asshole, but my mom is great. I had always figured - because I was told it for so long, or heard while I looked up at my grandparents and they marvelled over something about me - that I would go to college and get a great, great arty job, because the easiest thing to do for me was writing and talking about the technical side of movies through movies while people wanted to punch me in the fucking neck, presumably. (And I still use douchey words like 'presumably'.) I lost my ability to write in an exciting, humorous and 'different' way, a la Sarah Vowell (who I fuckin' love) or like, Lauren Weedman. I had applied to Boston College and was rejected. Although I am told from a friend in Boston that I would have killed myself there, I would have hated it, I just figured he was telling me that I was arty and liberal but I was still simple.

I am not going back on my social worker/activist aspirations, I've already discovered that being holier-than-thou is fucking PERFECT for my ass. No, no. I hate that shit. I do want to whip it out all the time, but that doesn't mean I should. I can't function day to day without thinking how someday I will be making real change. I know that I'm not one of the people who can talk about it and do something else because empowering people and advocating is the shit that draws me, and film and music and writing are relaxers - or second sources of income.

I don't know where this started out. Today I got a small assignment back with a kick-ass grade and aced a sociology test, but I know I'm just passing by. I want to excel and grow this giant fucking lame-ass brain and be the envy of all the critical thinkers in the land and get into Harvard, like my history teacher, who was this young guy who came from as unprivileged a background as I. And I'm sick to death of comparing my damn self to all those assholes cuz I know education's what you make it. My sense is kicking in, though, cuz that sick feeling is disappearing. And the audacity of me - I'm middle class and from white folks. I'm paying for my entire education with loans, even though my heart starts racing when I think about the $80,000 and up in debt I'll be to become a fucking BSW social worker and maybe teacher, which includes an education certificate (read: will never pay off, bitch), but I've had a bigass leg up from the beginning, and I got a stable family.

I got flighty white girl syndrome, and I miss Toronto. I had to get that shit off my chest about not living up to the expectations of anyone, but comparably - I have my shit together. Peace!

york rapists update

2007-09-27T17:02:00.000-07:00

They've arrested and charged both alleged rapists up at York University. I'm surprised at the swiftness of the whole situation but damn, am I glad they think they've got the guys. They've got evidence that made one of the suspects chew their bottom lip. Hoo, boy! I know I don't chew my lip unless I think I've been caught. Of course, I'm not a fuckin' rapist! Touche, TO sex crime unit!

on boobs

2007-09-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

From Jezebel, a blonde girl from Laguna Beach or The Hills (I do not watch either) got boob and nose jobs because boys "tormented" her when she was younger for being flat and having a huge nose. I'm flat and I have a long, skinny nose. I've heard many comments about my tiny breasts - I was lucky, though, I didn't go to a bigass high school where I was ever "rated" as I walked down the fucking hallway - and none about my nose, but thankfully I know not to let the boys win. On the cover it says she talks about "the pain of hating her body". She hated her body because these boys didn't like it. That's great! There's nothing about this bitch that doesn't scream "I'm willing to change fucking dumbass things about myself to fit the male ideal". So, yeah, that's pretty cool. It reminds me of junior high when I was an ugly duckling and girls would assure me that, as per the trend at the time, I would one day be on Jenny Jones showing off my awesome new look.

Man! I take a lot of shit for having small titties too, okay, and when I was a younger teen I dreamed of a boob job. I am not and never will consider breast implants again, unless I turn into a fucking asshole and reverse my views on everything.

Hey, wow, yeah! I love WTAE! I love local news, mmm, yummy! The last two consecutive news stories were, as follows, what the fuck is going on on Dancing With the Stars and WHAT big-screen HD TV to buy this holiday season! Hey, everybody!! Suck my dick! As if there's some shortage of news. We have to come up with shit that isn't news AT ALL. Howevvies, the nerd in me is excited for the new dinosaur exhibit at the Carnegs.

Also, this NY Times article about a well-off white woman weighing the pros and cons of, and eventually going through with, a mastectomy. I'll get this out of the way first: This article, like so much of the NY Times (I don't know why I bother reading it, I always end up going "GOD!" like six times), portrays a woman whose healthcare abilities are seemingly endless. So there's that.

If I knew there was a huge probability for my developing breast cancer, and that I carried a defective gene that upped my chances, and a mastectomy would decrease my chances of developing the cancer by 90%, I would, no doubt about it, get the mastect. It's taken my boobs and I a while, but we are at long last on the same page. I love my bod and I'd encourage all women, men, transgenders and the like to feel safe and secure in their natural bodies. If I had my way, that's the way shit would be. Then again, I'm completely normal aside from the A breasts and the flat ass. God must hate me!!!

It's typical to spin it on the reverse, but I'd rather have the smaller breasts. My mother had a reduction for health reasons - back pain and, whatever else - and I know girls with tiny bodies and huge breasts. They're INSANELY ogled, crudely commented on and everything low-cut shows loads of cleavage no matter what. I'm not saying they should be ashamed - not at fucking all! Own that shit! I'm saying I'd rather stick with my itty bitty titties. I mean these things are fucking adorable.

That said, I completely understand the hesitation to get a seemingly non-essential mastectomy. I would be extremely fucking upset to part with my breasts. I wouldn't reconstruct them, though. I have an "all natural" viewpoint to everything, and I'd accept it. Err - I can see myself accepting it. Okay, you "never know" until you're in it, but it would be extremely uncharacteristic of me to give in in that way. Would I be able to find a man? Maybe, maybe not. If this man is unable to love me because I don't have tits to offer him he's not worth my fucking time. I, and the rest of humankind, should not be forced to settle for less just to have a partner, or just to have children, or just to whatever. And I don't mean compromise - compromising and "settling for" are two different things.

The woman in this article had the right idea; she'd rather live than risk developing cancer that she was almost certain to get just to keep her natural breasts. A woman's - a person's - health is the priority above all other things. It's a damn shame how long we pause before deciding on a mastectomy (cutting this lady's chances of developing breast cancer by NINETY! PERCENT!) because most of our value is in our breasts, we attract mates through our breasts. Well y'all, I doubt my sultry A cups will ever be the deciding factor in whether some assmunch wants to be with me or not - um, I sure would hope that they wouldn't be - so that's not really something that affects me. I do put the girls on display when I want to impress but they can only go so far, good Lord.

Anyway, I don't know. It's hard. For me, my health, the preservation of my life, is much more important than my breasts, whatever shape and size they may be. It would be a fucking heartbreaker to part with them - they're so connected to my femininity and my nipples especially, as I can only assume is pretty much a norm, are a huge part of my sexual experiences - but shit, do what the fuck you have to do. The best choices are hardly the easiest to go through with, but I am one of those dumbass women who puts my life above that of a fertilized egg or a foetus.

I had more to this, but I lost my train of thought.

What I love: Bridget Moynahan's baby gets her last name, not Tom Brady's. Yeeeeah!

in response....

2007-09-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

In response to a crazy comment from this morning, Au contraire! I adore the local news, I hardly ever miss it at one point in the day and I never watch any but WTAE, though the coverage sometimes makes me cringe, and I was geeked out when Andrew Stockey was promoted to the news desk. I just wondered if there were forces keeping my girl Kelly on the right that were out of her control.

Peace!

york rapists, not wasting any time

2007-09-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

Last week, Friday morning - Thursday night, pub night - at York University in Toronto, where I attended last year, two white men in their 20s gained access to Vanier residence, raped two separate women in their two separate unlocked dorm rooms, and attempted to sexually assault a third. (Whether that means she was only sexually assaulted, and not raped, is not made clear.) Then they split after trying to rape some more.

A friend back at York sent me the story from the National Post, and I read further on the YorkU LiveJournal and at the Toronto Star. In my first months there (Aug-Dec '06), there were two separate reports of sexual assault (I may be wrong - it may have been three) in the Village, a group of houses rented as apartments not owned by York but by individual landlords about, say, a 15 minute walk from Vari Hall, the center of York's campus. As the year went on I heard stories of robberies in plain day behind the Accolade buildings and an old-fashioned "stick-up" in one of the Accolades. There were two more sexual assaults right before I left at the end of April of this year.

From the Star article:

"York spokesperson Alex Bilyk said officials will be reviewing campus security – a standard practice after such incidents. 'Our dormitories are safe,' he said. 'Someone gained entry. Normally it isn't easy to gain access. Police are working to try to figure out how that happened.'"

Let me help them out. I lived in Stong residence, where I regularly held the door open after swiping my card to let me into the residence for people behind me, and others did the same. Could I have let in a sexual assaulter? Yes. I'm one of the people who gives the once-over to someone before I let them in behind me, but I know plenty of assholes who would let anybody in. They could've known someone in Vanier and that dude could've come down and let them in. I thought I'd been to Vanier but it was Winters that I'd been before, but if their get-ups are anything at all alike, these guys were there past porter hours (3 AM) and it's not fucking hard to get into these buildings. Shit's not safe!

More shat from the Star:

"Students require an entry card to get past the locked front doors of the residence. Once inside, they must sign in any guests they invite in. 'Dons,' mature students with residence responsibilities, and porters scrutinize people coming and going, students said."

With all due respect to my Don, an awesome gal, she wouldn't have ever spotted a weirdo unless they intersected - I doubt it, she was never really out and about, and as a senior she wasn't really in her room much - or if there had been yelling or screaming, if they had brought attention to themselves. And on a crazy floor (mine was relatively quiet), who can tell the difference? And it depended on the porter. Additionally, these guys got in past porter hours. There are no rezes with all-night porters.

Two gals in the Star article say they've become "desensitized" to sexual assault at York (although they're first-years, sooooooo, yeah whatever), but what can I say except can you please try and fight it? Lock your doors, y'all. Constantly, the reaction I get when I mention my time in Canada is is it as safe as it seems? And I'm like no, not completely. Lock your doors, lock them. You can't get in from the outside if they're locked without making noise, if you can at all. Please, please please. I'm thinking of you, York.

2007-09-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

Theory: When women are less visible, or assertive, they are generally thought to be left-leaning, politically. I went to therapy briefly this summer because of a rough time I had in my second semester at school and the therapist guessed after like 20 minutes that my views "leaned to the right," and I was like "Hells yeah they do". When I speak to people I keep eye contact and I try to very vocal, because I used to be very shy and I'd get confused or I'd be too scared to ask a question if I didn't understand something. I never said a word about anything political and he guessed that. So, I don't know. Maybe he's wonna them mens who Jesus speak to!

i'm trying this without swearing

2007-09-06T17:35:00.000-07:00

I've been lectured by a few folks on using the word "hate" as rampantly as I do, but often times I mean it. I feel strongly. About everything. Ever.

But I think this usage is warranted: I don't think there's anything I hate worse than Desperate Housewives. I watch nothing on the three major networks but Supernanny, or whichever has Miss Jo (or whatever), because it's all crap. It's crap. Cuhhhrrap. It's crap. When I heard the title "Desperate Housewives" the first time I wanted to break a window, I knew it'd be a gem of misconception and ripe old white woman sexism and other stupid junk. And housewives? Really. Hey gay men writing this crap - QUIT IT. I'm starting to think these are the doods that hate women. We're not at a point where we can comfortably bring housewives up. Yes, educated women are leaving the workforce voluntarily, because they're forced out by a variety of pressures, internal and external. So go away.

Anyway, I have my TV up at school but no cable, but I do have rabbit ears, and the only channel I get is ABC, which is the local news I prefer (WTAE whaaat), and I just saw a big-bootied (you might say an exaggerated booty tooch (see America's Next Top Model)) piece of crap ad for the next DespWives season. It had the ladies doing that open-mouthed kind of modeling that makes you look like you're dumb, like you haven't a thought in your head, like you're oblivious to the world and all you do is sit around and look good, then walking down a street in gorgeous gowns. Oh, well Nicolette Whatevvy had on lingerie, or whatever. And let me tell you, yeah. Yeah, that's a new image for women to think about. For sure. It's totally FRESH. FRRRRRRRESH.

What that does to older women I don't even know. It doesn't put any pressure on me because that's not the life that I strive for, but for a woman who wants to get to that superficial point - being wealthy and looking pretty and, I don't know, juggling men? What do these brats do? - what, I mean, what do they think, or what do they not know that they think? When I complain about my mom watching these ridic reality shows (of course I love all of mine) and orig TV like DespWives she's like "It's an escape from my real life." And I'm like WHY DO YOU WANT TO ESCAPE FROM YOUR REAL LIFE??!!?! WHAT is so awful about it? We shouldn't be escaping, we should be CHANGING and DOING! No entertainment's not a bad thing, but God, make it constructive or support some quality! I'm all for the entertainment industry, I've taken a break from it but I still consider myself a filmmaker in the making. I made shorts in high school. Music and movies and books and pop cult are my thing, but I keep it classy. You don't see me on Perez Hilton, though I will look over a shoulder (and it's usually a gay one, lits). And that's my limit. God, that shitty website is a whole other post and I've got homework. I swore, I had to make a point.

Although I'm sure my mother would disagree with me that the ent I enjoy is of a far higher quality than hers, it's usuals the stuff flying under the radar on the independent circuit that's the superior product. Apolos, but it's furreal.

I guess I want to encourage ladies not to disappear into some fantasy world of cliche and shit, and where are the women of a darker hue on DespWives? Wasn't it Alfre Woodard who guest starred? I can't take another thing like Knocked Up (it's weird how I get so worked up about language when I use such harsh words but that offends the shit out of me, I'm not knocked up you dick I'm keeping the human race going) where abortion is totally out of the ques. I'm not a big fan of, I can't even remember his name. Judd Apatow. The funniest shit about 40 Year Old Virgin were the scenes in his work with Paul Rudd and the Indian guys and in the car with Apatow's hilarious wife. The rest of the movie was mediocre. And guess what?

Seth Rogen isn't funny. He doesn't make me laugh. I don't find him charming, I thought he was annoying in 40yo Virg. Now dealies.

Although I am a huge fan of Superbad, co-written by Rogen, for reasons that should be obvies to the gen public. People calling that movie a "gross out" are over 40 or they haven't seen it at all. Kids need to go see that shit. Not little kids, teenage kids. The word "fuck" shouldn't gross you out, especially since you probably taught it to your fucking kids in the first place. This is my favourite modern teen comedy of all timesies. And Evan and Becca are Canadians in real life, haaay!

I digress! I'll get around to putting up a list of media approved by this bitch soon.

all i wanna do is....

2007-09-06T11:36:00.000-07:00

(Title from the wicked "Paper Planes" off MIA's newest, Kala. Listen to it!)

I'm now at this Catholic university and today, at the opening liturgy, I realized the air I was breathing wasn't air after all - it was hypocrisy! It seeps out of the cracks and it gets pushed through the ventilation and to some it's oxygen, but um, it's actually carbon dioxide. And you'll die from it. Sucks, I know!

I did not know what a liturgy was until today. I've been to church like five times in my entire life, with friends because I happened to sleep over on a Saturday or whatev, and there was a time when as a young woman I wanted to get into relig, but it's never been my scene. I'm really into studying Islam right now, though. Anywaysies, they were standing up and sitting down and singing and these two kids sang with these hilarious operatic voices and people took Communion and I was like whatevvy, let's just do this. We had to read Barbara Ehrenreich's Nickel and Dimed, in which she, a journalist, works minimum wage jobs and tries to survive. She barely does, probably because she knows she has the upper-class to return to. Her coworkers probably survive because they have a ridiculous amount of inner strength (or they were trained by America's charming racist capitalist patriarchy to be a silent little worker bee, or both).

I don't have the energy right now to get into the whole thing, my communicating abilities are on the downslide for some reez but we had a discussion about it, myself and two other students (a freshman, a gay Republican from what I could gather, and a freshwoman) and two white male professors.

Did anyone else know that in the welfare reform bill Clinton signed in 1996 was included abstinence training for impoverished women? Boy, that's not racist. Why don't they just go ahead and sterilize those assholes making under $30,000 (the projected amount a family needs to make a year to live okay, it's no doubt gone up since 2001 or whenevvies) a year? Fuck them.

One of the professors made sure we knew he was a Christian, GOD FORBID IT ESCAPE US, and said he was unable to warm up to Ehrenreich because of a passing joke she made about abortion and that he felt she was self-absorbed to a point, which I'm pretty sure ALL OF US ARE, but he seemed like a nice guy and said he appreciated the work that she did.

I don't even want to repeat the whole fucking story, I've done it twice already. Here's my point:

I don't know the entire history of women's activism. I'm about to turn 19, give me a fucking break. But as a politically and socially aware young woman, I have a few ideas for how shit can shape up. They're undeveloped and so far they're unpolluted by any substantial university education. But I'm not the kind of person who'll ever be an "educated" type. I'll be able to speak clearly and intelligently (that's my goal), but my personality's too weird, and different, to fit into the mold of talking head academic douche.

My entire argument rests on this theory that I've got: None of the problems that are keeping women of all colours and creeds from reaching success - or achieving full control over themselves, or receiving a sexual education free of inaccuracies (lies, basically, to both sexes), etc etc etc - or people of many genders and sexual orientations from facing verbal and physical assault whenever they act and look the way they want to, or the African-Americans (and West Indian- and etc Americans), black folks, from reaching an equal success - white women already have it much, much better than they - or any, any of these problems, none of them will be solved with a fucking bill or a law. These are structural damages within the American government. Yes it's the patriarchy, the old fallback of white feminism, it's the racism that we can recognize and the racism we don't even know we're being taught. It's the way every fucking thing in this country is run like a goddamn business. It's the money, it's that green baby.

My school adapted Nickle and Dimed into a play (that looks like it paints Ehrenreich as a troublemaking bitch from the scene we saw today) but before they put that on, this prissy fucker, the president of the campus Republicans, gets up there and has to have her say. Why, if we raise minimum wage the bosses will have to cut back on expenses. They'll have to fire you - and it'll be you, the struggling college student! Aren't you mad?

Hey bitch! Why don't the bosses stop paying themselves all the fucking money, pay their employees something they can LIVE ON in this country and we'd all be a lot happier? That was preceded by some shit DRIPPING with hypocrisy about how she (or "we" as a society) can't sleep well knowing kids are going hungry and people are actually homeless.

White privilege has never been shoved so fucking far into my orifices, I swear to God. I hope that prissy little coot gets punched for having the goddamn audacity for standing up there and actually saying that shit. You. Sleep. FINE. And so do I, but now that I'm in school again - in my class yesterday I heard some shit I didn't like - I'm wondering how much I'll have to pay at the end of the day, and I'm studying social work and I'm wondering if I'll ever get to the fucking point where I can have a conversation without wanting to kick the shit out of somebody and crying. I'm a big crier. I have a shitload of anxiety. I don't sleep that well. I feel like I should walk the fuck out of here and start the activism.

If there were a revolution, even if it began slowly, with lots of strikes and protests, I'd be one of the first bitches out on the street. I'd probably pack a bag and I'd be off. I don't have a lot of other interests right now. I know activism and community support is where people are needed so I'm going there. Apparently, I need to be trained to be a community leader, so I'm willing to take out loans every fucking year to get to that place.

And it seems to me that that prissy coot, the Christian White Man in my discussion group, and everyone else - they want things to stay the same so they take small steps. When that dood asked us what the solution to the poverty problem is, he wasn't looking for "mass capitalist and financial reform". He wants his life to be very calm, very ideal, very American, very comfortable, he wants to retire and die in his sleep, and this is impossible. There is no way we can stop the piles, and piles, and piles, of issues, with these baby steps. I want this solved, I want everyone to have it fair, I want to dispell the myth of the hardworking American regardless of colour or gender, but I want to live my happy life. I can only come to the conclusion that if people actually felt genuinely about making shit better for the people who are born black or poor into a society who values white and wealthy above all - these are structural and theological, sociological racisms in our society, we need a HUGE revolt against that shit - they'd be a lot more pro-active. I'm going to have to fake learning these tiny bitty changes for four years, I fucking guess. Hopefully next year I can get into the University of Pittsburgh, who has no fucked-up religious affiliation, and women's groups coming out of their "vag-es," as a friend put it. But I'm going to do as much shit as I can here, I'm not giving up.

Little changes don't mean shit if you don't mean it, you fucking tards. And I know you don't.

class

2007-09-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not an admirer of Jerry Lewis at all, and yesterday on his abysmal marathon he made a joke about his cameraman's hypothetical family, introducing his made-up son as "Jesse, the illiterate fag" before realizing he was on live television and doing the playful "no" before moving on. People are saying he stopped himself but I watched it, and the 'g' is enunciated quite clearly. Even if he HAD stopped himself, A Bigot Is A Bigot Is A Bigot. Fuck you, Jerry Lewis!

Good morning, everyone else. :)

Link to clip (with very low volume): http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=5194

ahdurr

2007-08-30T16:42:00.001-07:00

From the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: "Until recently, black adults were largely ignored by some book publishers who believed black people don't read books."

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. "I'm not racist, but - " Like seriously. Are. You. KIDDING me with this shit. This isn't the first dumbass standalone racist sentence I've read in the P-G. Or anywhere, but Pittsburgh has a huge Afro-American population. I'm assuming they've got more than a few writers of colour on board; I've seen photographs and names that I recognize to be of Middle Eastern male descent, and yes, I know about male and female names from that part of the world, and no, it's not because I went to school with a lot of brown folks.

Rest of article: http://post-gazette.com/pg/07242/813343-44.stm

now is the time to invent

2007-08-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

Well ladies and freedom fighters, here I am! And finally, I'm at your full disposal.

It kinda tickles me that my tenth post on the first blog I've ever started that I actually intend on continuing with for a great long while is one of the most important I'll ever write, I guess in terms of personal meaning.

I graduated from high school on time in June 2006 and went from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to York University in Toronto, Ontario, in August. I was already a feminist and I've always been a pretty clear-headed lady; I am one of a select few who escaped sexual abuse before age 17 and still have never been a victim two weeks before my 19th birthday. I have a small, tight-knit little family made up of ladies who were well-adjusted to men walking out. My mom had kind of a rough go of it when my dad moved out, but considering what he'd done to her I don't blame her now. Frankly, my fam runs smoothly and normally with little male influence, that of my stepfather and barely my maternal grandfater. Up until a week ago I also had my father to call on the other end of the line, but I no longer have a father and that's the end of that fucking story.

To put a long story that I've been repeating all summer to people who asked me "AHDURR WHY AREN'T YOU GOING BACK" short, I fell in love with the fucking awesome community of Toronto and the gorg country of Canada, but I spent all my fucking money there gallavanting around with my rich foreigner friends. I started to adopt their kind of carefree and individualistic attitude (very American, y'all, to be individualistic) and joined York's Sexual Assault Survivors' Support Line to regain my sense of self and servitude. The actual three-day training had a bigger impact on me than the organization did - due to a fucked-up depression I stopped leaving my dorm and quit the volunteership, although there was a lot of internal haterade among its participants that was kind of disheartening - but I started thinking back on my original point of view towards my home country, which reeked of white privilege, that I would go and live in Canada and become a citizen there, and live out a good life with some hockey player who wasn't a douchebag (doesn't exist - other than Sid) and leave America to clean up its own shit.

I decided I didn't want to save money by going to my county's community college and am now at Seton Hill University, about an hour away from my home in Pittsburgh, where my aunt and role model attained her master's in art therapy. I, naively, did not realize that as a small Catholic "liberal arts" college, it was a hotbed for Caucasian conservatism and, thereby, doucheism. Everywhere I turn there's a smartassed white boy, which, in Canada, I could always counter with a crowd of brown folks. Not that I constantly prefer people of colour to my own race - I'm equal opportunity y'all - but I pretty much flatly refuse to be in any environment if there's no colour in it. I can't do shit with a singularly white education. I need, we all need, the point of view of people of colour, and the fact that I'm writing that like a fucking invitation makes me sick. It should be the standard. I already know the white race, okay? I know it better than I'll ever know anyfuckingthing else. I'm damn ashamed of our track record, to infantilize the issue. I already know my socioeconomic status. I want the opinion of the rich (although I can pretty much guess it) and those living below the poverty line, and of the homeless, and the imprisoned, and the addicted. Thankfully, my Seton Hill education - which will hopefully last, count it, one university year - doesn't seem too awful. I'm shooting for all As, which have never been obtained by this gal, ever.

I've been increasingly anxious about living my life the way I have. I'm not heavy into partying, I don't steal or do anything fucking awful, but I don't do anything in a world where tons, and tons, and tons, of shit is going down every day. In a country where my gender is ogled, objectified, molested, abused, raped and basically treated as trash, a commodity, in the year two thousand and fucking seven, I mean I'm sorry but even now as I'm writing this I cannot stand and let that shit go by. I'm not the traditionally beautiful girl - I hardly ever dress up in normal life to boot - who's had to ward off whistles and degrading and shitty comments, but I am a good looking young lady and I have been sexually harassed. I know few girls who HAVEN'T been. I don't think I know any! I'm sorry but I have fabulous bone structure. Coming from a little lady who only about three years ago thought she was an ugly piece of shit because she didn't look like a goddamn movie star, I mean that's saying a lot.

I think I'm pretty goddamn lucky that I've got such a sense of worth and self, thanks to my upbringing and what I've found in feminism and the concept (I mean, REALITY) of female/femail/femaal empowerment (I can barely stand to spell 'woman' because of the 'man' and 'female' because of the 'male,' such is my contempt for the weaker gender, as they so often prove themselves to be). This is probably going to sound selfish, but how can I go about living my fucking life without being a feminist activist? I escaped most of the consequences of being a teenage girl in the United States. It's practically a modern miracle. It's not just about feminism, although that is closest to my heart - it's about gay rights and human rights, not just social rights. It's about whatever fucking form of activism I want to take on!

Today in the Seton Hill library I read "Two Ways A Woman Can Get Hurt: Advertising And Violence" by Jean Kilbourne. Mz Kilbourne didn't tell me anything I didn't already know - I studied communications at York and, in line with Canada's smooth style of being kick-ass, was taught a non-bigoted unit on Women in Media by a male prof, what are the fucking odds (plus, the first place girls learn that they're sex objects is the telly, y'all, stop kidding yourself) - but her wording, professional with hints of "I'm fucking sick of this shit", almost had me crying my balls off in the middle of the place. I can't imagine a life of doing anything but helping people the fuck out. Sometimes I want to turn to some lady next to me and spill my guts out to her about this shit. I want her to feel good about herself. I want her to have a full personality, huge ideals about her life and the future of the world, not to look like she's afraid to take up her space on this damn planet. I used to think that I was selfish by feeling this way, and I don't know why I felt like that. If none of my sisters are going to step up, I sure as fuck am. I'm in it for you. I want you to feel great. I want my gay brothers and sisters to get their fucking due. I want to tell this shithole country that if it doesn't accept, as a society, that we will never again return to a time before the 1960s, we're all gonna die. Soon.

I am now majoring in social work at Seton Hill and honestly I feel like I'm wasting my time, but I'm looking forward to learning how to better speak and present myself. God knows you can't debate a man on a feminist issue (nevermind - ANY ISSUE) without a snarky level head or he won't take you seriously. I have a cause, I have found the reason that I was born. I truly believe that, although it sounds kinda batshit, and I'm fucking geeked out to start what's destined to be a life of heartbreak and turmoil and great, great happiness working in community and widespread activism to empower women and any other oppressed minority group (what minority group isn't oppressed, I ask you) that comes my way. Here I fucking come, you assholes. I'm gonna beat you at your own fucking game!

Me, 29 August 07

"Will there always be concerts where women are raped?
Watch me make up my mind instead of my face
The number one must-have is that we are safe" - Sleater-Kinney, "#1 Must Have"

"I'm still not there but do feel something
I'm tired of sitting pretty I'm tired of sitting tight
I'm willing and I'm ready now to push with all my might
Why don't you help why don't you help
Why don't you help me and build it?" - Mr Something Something, "The Prize"

full of life! full of life i'm full of life!!!!

2007-08-16T17:15:00.001-07:00

I like to consider myself The Feminist Whisperer, or perhaps The Calm Feminist even though personally I'm a huge drama queen. I mean I'm working on that, on not being so intense over EVVVVVerything. My mom really appreciates that because every time we're in the car and I do this HUGE GASP from the passenger seat she nearly runs off the fucking road, and I'm like "What? I'm just reading a magazine." Also, when I saw Neko Case a few weeks ago (more on that amazing shite lates), she started off with "Things That Scare Me" and I did HUGE GASP and the two ladies in front of me, who I could tell had a good sense of humo(u!)r, did a kind of lookback and I was like "Sorry." I did it again later and I could tell that I embarrassed the person I was with, so I felt a little ashamed. :( Fuck that, I love Neko!!

Anyway! The point I'm getting at is that while I get really the fuck worked up over my favo(u)rite feminist/gay/peeps of colo(u)r/ableism/poverty/whatev issues, I also realize that if we don't approach them with a calm head we'll never be taken seriously. I'll be called THE CRAAAZY FEMINIST and a few other colorful/colourful? titles. (While usually I am the biggest supporter of colorful language, I can't stomach it tonight. I'm too fuckin serious right now!)

My point would be perfectly exampled by one of the most prominent members of my personal God-dess Divine (see sobby cornfest Pride 'n Prej) club, Amy Poehler of SNL and (my personal fave) Wet Hot fame. I saw snippets of her interview in Bust magazine like, at the beginning of the summer, and I was like "Fuckin hell yeah" when I saw all the bush-talk (not Bush-talk, he's not worth our time, and besides the only bush I'll be trusting from now on will be my own, all women Republican and otherwise should have stuck with that motto from the beginning!) and hatred of those NASTY-ASS American Apparel ads. Pitchfork is a kind of guilty pleasure for me and I can't even read ONE piece of news or one review, sopping wet with laaaame metaphor, without feeling uncomfortable because I'm looking at some chick's buttcheek while the other one's hidden in some funky-ass unitard, or some other weird shit. It's just weird. And chances are I think it's weird because I feel like I'm male-gazing at this lady, which is another thing that Amers brings up in her interview. Well actually she's asked about it. WHATEV

I ordered the back issue from Bust because it was only $4.99 with shipping included (word, and I got it fast as hell) and because I had to see what Poehler had to say. I've been admiring this little lady forevs. I don't know how you can deny her: She's a spitfire! She's hilar! She's goofy! You know how sometimes you can tell that somebody's kinda sorta on your side? Well I was right. Amy Poehs is reppin' my mindset big time!

1) She's funny!
I won't claim to be funny, but if I didn't have a sense of humor about the ways of the world I'd have done myself in long ago. I remember how I felt when I first realized more fully than ever before that I was essentially a second-class citizen. Man! That was a shitty day. I do have it better than folks of colour* in some areas because I'm white, but in the end boys are boys*, they group together (bros over hos, anyone? Anyone? No? Huh.) to stare at us. They don't care about our colour. They just wanna do things to us. Ugghugug.

So Amy Poehs' approaching these topics like getting ladies to take up more real estate and re-establish a damn sense of normalcy for little gals with a sense of humor, I think, makes it more relatable and easier to digest. And at the same time she's not making a joke out of it. She's not joking about it but you're still feeling like she's not lecturing. Great, huh?!!

2) also calls the Pussycat Dolls' "feminism" "so bullshit", which is what I call "so true". When you stop kidding yourself about that, get back to me. Until then, we're not friends if you're into PD "feminism". Lates!

After I read it - and it damn near made me cry, btw, I feel like an enemy of the damn state of things so often that when I read something that's so pro-my beliefs, and from a celebrity, I tend to drama queen it up - I turned on the telly and it sucked ball. I didn't want to watch old sexy fart Mike Rowe dick around with some dudes. Wow, Mike Rowe, you succeeded as a white man. I'd like to see him flirt with young men on Dirty Jobs as much as he does the young ladies he sometimes works with. Huh! Huh!? How bout that!

I don't watch celebrity bullshit. Best Week Ever is as close as I get, because the comedians are hilarious. Which reminds me, who the fuck decided to separate actress from actor and comedienne from comedian? Although "comedienne" is a kick-ass spelling. So I had to turn away from most channels. It's around 7 PM. I could watch some more white dudes doin' they thang on History or CSPAN but what's the point? I wanted to watch Weekend Update. I did me a little dance when Amy Poehs took over for Tina Fey. I'm not the biggest fan of Tina Fey, although I love Mean Girls (though less and less, increasingly) and a lot of stuff from 30 Rock, and I'm so glad they didn't put some dude in as lead anch over Mz Amy. I think Seth Meyers is funny, I mean I'm not out to kill off all these white dudes. In Andy Samberg/Amndby Sander's NOW-wearing incident and in Hot Rod's refusal to monopolize on muchos easy anti-woman comedy of past films (however, they also refused to make Isla Fisher funny at all) I see a lot of potential. A lot. And it warms my heart. It really really does, because that's my sense of humor, all that Lonely Island new-SNLers Human Giant crazy bizarre smart comedy bullshit, I mean I adore it! It's a lot of guys still, but HG made up for Grandma's Boy's misuse of Linda Cardellini with that hilarious mother-son moving company sketch, and these dudes seem okay. They do. And it's not a matter of "oh to survive in this new world where women have rights I have to pretend to not be who I really am, the supreme ruler of the universe" no that's not it at all.

Tangent!

Anyway, my point is, if you're like me and you want to cry when you see that a successful and hilarious celeb is on "your side", which is kind of juvenile sounding but whatev, order that fucking back issue! $4.99!

Oh yeah, and the end of that TV thing - sometimes I don't feel "safe" watching TV, you know? I'm so aware of all the bullshit that sometimes I only feel like I'm not hurting myself - or anyone else, but mainly myself and my intelligence, honestly - by watching Human Giant or SNL (which, for the most part, has gotten pretty stale, still) or like, Doctor Who, or Shark Week. Or MST3K or Homicide Life on the Street, my old gold standards. I can't watch CNN, MSNBC, I can barely watch my local news without wondering WHY THE FUCK Andrew Stockey, sports dude, moved over to the left side of the news desk for morning broadcasts, while Kelly Frey stayed on the fucking right! I automatically equate left with supremacy (perhaps because my left breast is the larger? Hmmmm).

I got the name of this blog from an Andrew Bird song I couldn't get out of my head, "Plasticities", and the line "and precious territory". I thought it was "plastic," and now I realize why I still like plastic better. Amy Poehs and I (I and Amy Poehs? It's my blog, anyway) want the younger ladies, the teenaged ladies, the adult ladies, the middle-aged ladies and the older ladies to know that they aren't supposed to be plastic. They're supposed to be "sassy and full and weird and geeky and smart and independent". Amy Poehs, I could not have put it better myself. Hells yeah!

Sometimes I just like to know that I don't have to fit into an image, you know? That by not looking like everybody else I get to stick out, and sticking out is my right. All us ladies need to claim our fucking real estate. Pronto!

In other news, I'm listening to "Waiting To Know You" from Fiery Furnaces and that shit is my ish! If you wanted a few unintentional feministandotherrights anthems, I personally enjoy "Declare Independence", which gives me goose pimples if I'm listening to it in the right mood, and "New World" from Bjork, aka Mother Earth.

In even more news, I love Michael Showalter. Inside, all feminists do, and we give him daily props for keepin' it realskies.

as usual, Ga Ga Ga is dope

2007-07-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I don't trust Spoon as easily as Mates Of State. Yes I do - poppy-ass keyboards and drums are hard to fuck up and easy to make great songs out of, so I preordered Bring It Back as soon as that shit was on the market. There are a select few groups whose records I will preorder, and I would've done it for Spoon's Gimme Fiction in 2004 except that I was on a school trip to NYC on the day it dropped, and I had the pleasure of buying it at Virgin in Times Square that night. Ani DiFranco, I think, screwed it up for me, because when I preordered Reprieve last year I wasn't ready for the big old alt-concepty kind of dark, dank Cask of Amontillado French, uh, wine storage cellar or what the fuck ever sound, and I still haven't listened to more than "Hypnotized" and "Decree". Actually I remember telling someone, "I'm not feeling that bleak right now." And the truth is that I don't want to get into that mood, and when I'm in it, I really don't want an instigator.

And I'm one of the folks who don't believe in "guilty pleasures" - if you like it and you think it's good, then you like it, you think it's good - so no one can ever make me feel bad for riding the Ani train for soooo damn long. You shouldn't be wasting your time trying to make people feel bad for the music they listen to in the first damn place.

Anyway, impulsively I started to preorder Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga but I stopped. I had the fifteen bucks or whatever, but I didn't want to get stuck with a piece of shit on my hands. And I'll comfortably call Spoon my favo(u?)rite band. I've been on that wagon since I was about 14 and at the end of my days, I'll take alternative/indie/rock over hip-hop, over funk, over "trip-hop" or whatever that's become, over trance, over Arabic pop and over Nina Simone - call me Caucasian, because I am - but I have this bratty kind of love-and-hate thing where I hate to listen to them for months, then I start again and it's like how did I live? Like a savage?

Ga Ga Ga, I streamed it from the free site Merge set up I think (I'm too lazy to get a link, boo) but I kind of drifted in and out of it. It sounded pre-Fiction, which shocked and awed me, but I've heard "Don't You Evah", "You Got Yr Cherry Bomb" (is it me or are these titles looking a little fucking Fall Out Boy, except they're making it indie-retro-cool) (and I do listen to FOB) and "Black Like Me" and I'm won. I warmed up to "The Underdog" in a big way. I think I'm going to pick the record up tonight and we're gonna get some alone time.

4th of july ho-down

2007-07-05T08:54:00.001-07:00

I can't remember what my whole stance was last year but yesterday I was really into the 4th of July, possibly for the first time. I'm at the age when every year I make a huge leap in terms of my maturity and kind of calm down a lot in terms of political beliefs and all that shazzy jazz. In emotions in general. I tend to overdo it. But having spent a good six months in Toronto with shitloads of immigrants - and I never got used to saying 'fob' which I thought was super offensive, but I did get used to calling folks 'brown' - it sounds pretty damn cliche but sadly it's the truth, that I don't think you can get a good grasp on the hulk of what the US stands for unless you've lived outside of it. And I only went to CANADA. Like almost barely across the border (but it takes a long time if you're not used to the superior Canadian road system, which assumes that its drivers are intelligently superior and just kind of figure out what to do when there's 700 lanes and 5 million exits in half a mile of expressway), and I only now have like a small gleam of appreciation for having been born an American to a family of Americans. I think the closest relatives I had from Europe were my paternal G-granddaddy from Croatia and my maternal G-grandmama from Austria. And we're totally assimmilated now.

But anyway. Bitches. I went to see fireworks at the mall closest to me (where the orig Dawn of the Dead was filmed, eat your heart out suckaaas) and they were same as every year, so at least there's continuity. My favo(u)rite 4th of July was living in NYC when I was a youngun and seeing them at the Queensboro Bridge, and I remembered that. My friends and I, our dreams right now are to aspire to live in New York, of course, we're all kind of trying to get there with the rest of the young population of the entire world (except for my internat friends, who are like, trying to get to Dubai and shit). And sometimes I worry that I won't but my friends who can will, and that pisses me off. I'm paying my own way in a lot of ways. I'm not in a position now to shoot for the moon, I'm kind of shooting at a bald eagle or something right now. And it sucks. But it's necessary. And it's not gonna kill me.

One thing we had a teacher tell us in high school in 1967 (I kid) was that we'd probably have to go abroad in our lifetimes to find work. I believe it, that's what things are pointing to in a big way. So I guess I was grateful that I was born here and I don't have to live the luxurious refugee life in Syria or, err, Africa. Any African nation. And for one more 4th of July where everything was intact and we weren't in any mortal danger, or occupied, or at war. Oh. Oh wait. Ha ha!

I really don't like to be too serious when I talk about that shit, because I have a sense of humo(u)r that's pretty dry but I like to keep it in there, still. What worries me sometimes is that I kind of have the same sense of humor as I suspect Hellbitch McCunterbury Ann Coulter has, because she is so fucking mean - I think the difference is that I'm a jizzing creaming liberal ready to go kill people who shoot looks at transvestites because I respect them that much, and she kind of wants everyone to die who doesn't, love Jesus? I'm not too sure. Coulter and I, we're mean. And we think it's funny. But I want her to die, and she probably wants me to. At least I'm on the right side of the East River. (Is there one? Lits? I don't really think so.)

In other news, I can't fuckin wait for Patton Oswalt's new album to "drop". And the countdown is on for Neko Case here in P-Burgh in two weeks, and then TV On The Radio at this wicked old church venue in Aug. I'm surprised that Pburgh landed these two shows for the summer at all. People have been staying away from Pittsburgh, big time. And you won't like Pittsburgh hipsters when they're angry: They just kind of. Blog about it!

texts saved in my phone: Inbox edition

2007-06-30T14:23:00.001-07:00

What are you doing tomorrow besides sleeping all day and re-acclimating yourself to the sweet air of freedom

Are you still watching mtv?*

Oh yeah thats my mom. the mustache lady is my mother.

Lets talk about chicks man.

Now to be fair your pussy put manatees on the endangere species list.

Jenny. Wanna see something incredible?

Well we have drunk and i think i can taste rage

Gays are an important demographic these days.

Lol. Youre prob at the part where i fell asleep. Is that matt damon? Gah!
(about The Departed and texter's mother being unable to discern between DiCaprio and Damon)

Im in your hood now bitch.

I dont remember this dolphin and it pisses me off!

Your boy's a man

My ipod shuffle knows whats up today.

SID WINS
(about Sidney Crosby's annihilation of the NHL Awards)

Bruce vilanch and pop singer tiffany are here!

You ready for that shit tonight?

Hahaha what. Ever.

No shes married to a cat. its fantastic.

Im going to mexico today!

Also...the most magnifizant chicken livers!

Lol. He said windows were wooshed and i was like, oh hes one of those.

R u watching the office?**

I wish our friends had our music taste. it would make life more fun.

*This was sent on Friday, May 18. I saw Ted Leo performing on MTV on what later turned out to be the Human Giant 24 hour "takedown" and alerted the sender, my soulmate in music and pop culture taste and ridicule (taste in this case, hopefully obviously). We couldn't look away from this hilarious show (although I did have a fucking million things to do that day) and this text represents the cold realization that we had found the sketch comedy show that basically represented our entire lives. Human Giant kicks ass.

**I get this every single Thursday around 8:05 from a coworker, and I mean EVERY Thursday.

pretty f'd in the a

2007-06-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

That girl from Kansas? Katie Smith? She didn't deserve to die. How could she have? She was 18, a young lady from Kansas. What the fuck could she have done in that time so horrifyingly awful to have justified what happened to her yesterday, which, although it hasn't been released yet, was PROBABLY a rape and murder, because what do you do with a FEMALE, BOYS, BESIDES RAPE AND KILL 'EM, I MEAN?

You know sometimes I feel as if I am the last person on this fucking PLANET who is hit hard every time they hear about a rape. Rape is FUCKED UP. It is DISGUSTING, VIOLENT, HEINOUS and I don't think I could handle it. I'm 100% fine with my body and all types of sexuality and I don't think I could handle that shit. Because I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. EVER.

Katie Smith was probably a Christian who probably went to church a whole bunch and probably babysat and probably lived an average American life just like me and probably made some poor choices and some good ones et cetera et cetera. Meanwhile, the asshole who (speculation) raped and (fact) murdered her will probably live, which is great. The person who deserves to die will live. In jail.

Which reminds me, Paris Hilton could have killed somebody, and now she's strolling around her house because she's a fucking baby.

I live in a fucked up country in a fucked up world. No wonder I, too, also feel fucked up 99% of the time.

"All I want is what should be" - Ted Leo

never

2007-04-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

Rape will never be funny. I know some people are always looking for the next shocking topic, but the day rape becomes one of them is the day we women and transgendered women need to hit the fuckin' STREETS.

Rape is unthinkable. It's just that.

This is fucking ridick, and the fact that it happened in good ol' Canada pisses me off even more. This is the end of my first year of university here in Toronto and my experience of the boys on this campus has been probably a little worse than the boys back in the States. I'm thinking family life is even more traditional and religious here, and I've met some seriously ripe assholes. Then again I have met some pretty great guys. I'm not saying I expected some HUGE difference in attitude - I ain't stupid - but, gah. Whatever. I'm just not used to hearing such bigoted shit from Canada.

i'm used to retards making decisions for me, but that doesn't make it any more right

2007-04-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

What a lovely way to begin my fucking day.

"The bill could lead to a reversal of the ban that broke legal precedent by providing no health exception for the woman."

Why, what a charming and WORTHWHILE legal precedent to break!

Five well-to-do and undoubtedly power-drunk white men (oh, wait, the token black dude was in on it too) just decided that they not only know better than every doctor in the country and instead of GIVING women information, ensuring that they would make more informed decisions about their abortions - because women are capable of RATIONAL THOUGHT, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, Jesus Christ this is such a fucking piece of sociobiological bullshit - they made the choice FOR them. NO ABORTION!

NO fucking abortion. I said it before and I'll say it many more times: Do YOU want to raise these unwanted children? These children will suffer. They will suffer long and hard. That piece of shit bigot Kennedy who's supposed to have this superior knowledge and employ it on the Court - who's supposed to interpret a Constitution that needs MUCH amendment - has done what I get penalized for doing on my university essays. He made claims with no source.

What may be even more offensive to me is the pure glee that anti-choice activists are displaying. I've read quotes like "We're having fun" and the like. Last night my Pittsburgh Penguins were booted from the playoffs by the Ottawa Senators, which is a pretty fucking shitty feeling, especially since I'm right now located at university in Toronto where I've been giving Torontonians shit about the Leafs being eliminated. I face a barrage of embarrassment at the hands of others today.

Abortion > Sports. See what I mean? You're taking LIVES. Fuck hockey. Abortion is the real fucking thing. You're having FUN? This decision not only affects those of us FLOOSIES who want their normal sex lives but expectant mothers. Do you realize that without a HEALTH EXCEPTION, one of our BASIC HUMAN (not WOMANLY, HUMAN) RIGHTS, mothers are second-guessing their decisions? They're going through pregnancies in fear. GOOD. JOB.

I'm still afraid to be American, but now I'm overwhelmingly ashamed. Everyone up there is truly a blithering idiot. I feel like I'm in the goddamn stone ages.

In other news, I got Armchair Apocrypha by Andrew Bird last night and it is AWESOME. I avoided his music (I'm a snob) until my friend sent me "Plasticities", but the standout track is definitely "Scythian Empires", and not for its quasi-political message at all. It's just gorg.

betrayal is a dirty word

2007-04-19T12:41:00.000-07:00

I have had many blogs in the past that I couldn't keep up whether due to my own disinterest or whatever. I usually post to LiveJournal just for two of my friends who still use it, but I have way too much shit to say about the issues that drove me from the USA - women's, reproductive and gay rights among, like, everything else - and after yesterday's Supreme Court ruling in favor of the partial-birth abortion ban, which ROYALLY pissed me off, I wrote this note on Facebook. This is my first post.

I came to Canada because I wanted to get a head-start on someday becoming a citizen if I needed to. As some of you may know, I am overemotional and irrational when it comes to feelings and stuff like that. I am HEAVILY affected by bullshit and I don't let anything go. It's not like a personal rule, I just can't let shit go. I am also a feminist, which a lot of people are misinformed about but I could give a shit less about the looks people give me when I tell them, because those people are fucking DROOLING idiots. Get some culture, please.

Listen. The fact is, I'm scared to be an American and a woman at the same time. Today some fucking assholes with tiny-dick complexes upheld the partial-birth abortion ban, which basically means that if I go back to my home country and decide to have a baby - even if I WANT this baby - and the pregnancy ended up threatening my health, ME, AN ALREADY-ESTABLISHED PERSON, A GROWN-ASS WOMAN - the GOVERNMENT wouldn't allow me to obtain an abortion.

Their vague, "science-y" argument is that women who receive abortions later suffer extreme depression. As if WOMEN are HUGELY generic; our emotions, indeed, are all EXACTLY THE SAME. Every woman on the planet is identical, correct?

WRONG, ASSHOLE.

As some of you may know, I am going through a hell of a depression right now. I HIGHLY doubt that if I received an abortion that would save my health and potentially my life that I could suffer a depression any worse than the shit that I'm dealing with now. If I had wanted the child, me and my boo would undeniably go through a period of mourning. Then we'd probably adopt one of the thousands of needing children in the United States alooooooone.

Listen to me. Motherhood is not what I am made for. I was born with the equipment, which may or may not be in working order. But motherhood, itself, has been largely perverted by the patriarchy - in short, THE MAN. Answer me this: In olden times, were women given any choice but to pop out some kids to keep their family name intact? No, I agree with you: We should have fought harder to break the status quo. If I were every woman back then, shit would be dunzo. It's 2007 and still folks don't see much of an option beyond having kids and providing via a 9-5 job. There IS a connection between mothers and their children, I'm sure - because WE CARRY those assholes in our BODIES FOR NINE MONTHS. That is a LONG ASS time. Our children DEVELOP in us. We feel them kick for the first time, feel them move around and shit - we nourish them - we carry their asses around. I do not doubt that connection at all. But if you're trying to tell me that in the age we live in, in this incredibly complex world, that that is the ultimate goal of my existence? One of them, maybe. Carrying a child would be crazy. But as a human being I am meant for MUCH more. Oh yeah, and SO IS EVERYONE ELSE.

Give me my reproductive freedom and give that shit to me NOW. GROW the FUCK UP.

Let me tell you something. I cried when I read this stupid fuck ass Supreme Court ruling. I know that a large majority of folks are still dumb as fucking rocks when it comes to abortion, GAY MARRIAGE (one of the LAMEST POLITICAL ISSUES OF ALL FUCKING TIME AND SPACE) and equal rights and WHAT the fuck ever, and we keep saying "our time is coming" and all that - and most of the time *I* am the one being cynical and thinking we're never going to win.

This shit is unforgivable. I will NEVER forgive my country for betraying me like this.

I swear to all time and space, I will live to see a Supreme Court with more than ONE WOMAN sitting on it. I will live to see a time when people get off their FAT, DIABETIC ASSES and TAKE CHARGE OF THEIR LIVES and hold their government responsible. I will live to punch many a douchebag in the fucking face for getting all up in mine, trying to tell ME what a feminazi I am, trying to tell ME what to think and how to feel about issues that are ONLY mine. Oh yeah, that's right! Issues of the penis are only for men. Issues of the vagina and all other related parts are for THE LADIES. Bitch I SAID IT.

I WILL see this world, which has been promised to me by MANY a feminist, where representation for all genders and ethnicities is present in La Estados Unidos. I really do love being an American - I take it for granted. It's something special. But after the dump that my own Supreme Court took today on my face, living in Canada tastes all that much sweeter. Yum yum yummy.

Oh, and by the way, for all you motherfuckers who want to tell me about 'sanctity of life' and all that horseshit, I want YOU to have all my unwanted children. YOU want to tell me that I NEED to have children? Then I'm shipping their asses STRAIGHT TO YOUR DOOR. You want kids so bad, fucking ADOPT THEM! There are enough poor fucked-up children out there, the results of unwanted pregnancies NO DOUBT, needing stable homes! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GROW A FUCKING BRAIN?

Oh, and I have messages for all those presidential candidates who want me to vote for they asses in 2008 who endorsed banning the partial-birth abortion law today:

Rudolph Giuliani, you can eat my cooter.
John McCain, I respect you on many fronts, but I invite you, too, to eat me out. I will not be voting for your ass if you're going to treat me this way.
To some asshole named 'Mitt Romney' (NOT a presidential name btw), you should definitely get on your knees right quick.
Tommy G. Thompson, suck it.
Sam Brownback, lick my balls.

THAT is all.